


The darkness around me

by Brokefang



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Anxious!Virgil, Crushes, Dark, Gay, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Please Don't Hate Me, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 14:26:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15887868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brokefang/pseuds/Brokefang
Summary: Anxiety... isn't in a good place, but nobody is around to hear him scream.





	The darkness around me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. It's late so can't think but hey, fanfic! Sorry for the length, writing long stuff is hard :3
> 
> Yeah... This is gonna get emotional.
> 
> Also, swear warning. Just so you know :D
> 
> Trigger stuff:  
> Anxiety  
> Anxiety attacks  
> Panic attacks  
> Implied murder attempt  
> Suicidal thoughts  
> Self-depricating thought  
> Implied relationship abuse  
> (If there's others tell me cos rn I'm half asleep lol)

Virgil felt dirty. He felt an impurity that no amount of washing could cleanse him of. There was a reason he took to hiding away, a reason behind the constant useless bickering, a reason behind it all. All of his pain had a reason.

The reason being the bitch inside his head.

_"You think they actually like you? Care for you? That's all lies. Lies lies lies lies liesssss..."_

He reminded him of Deciet, except Virgil knew it was telling the truth. No matter how hard he fought, how hard he pushed, it kept coming back at him with new retorts, more points until Anxiety had run out of things to say and gave the voice control. 

The voice was his Anxiety. 

But it was more than that. The voice was his every doubt, every insult, every regret, always calling to him to give up, stop fighting, stop feeling, stop caring...

_"It would be easy... it's not like anyone would notice, even if they did they wouldn't care..."_

~~****~~ ******"One of them would help me!"**

_"Logan? Pfft, he wouldn't notice your emotional state if you shouted it at him with a megaphone."_

**"But Roman..."**

_"He literally called you Jack Smellington, Brad Pittiful and like a billion other insulting puns. He'd probably be glad."_

That stung. Being reminded of his foolish crush at a time like this? That's low. Virgil let out a stiffled sob.

**"...Patton would care ...He would help me..."**

_"Well... Who was the last person you were sure would help you?"_

**"..."**

_ "If you had trusted me, would that've happened?" _

**"..."**

_"I'm not lying Veevee,"_

Virgil let out a moan and began to silently panic, tears rolling down his cheeks as his breathing became heavier. Hearing Deciet's pet name for him had pushed him over the edge. He felt like he was dropping into a gorge of shame, infinite below him.

_"You're worthless. Worth nothing to anyone. Nobody cares about you. You are unimprtant. Everybody wishes you would crawl under a rock and die."_

**"I... _I'm worthless... nothing... I should have let Deciet kill me when he tried... Nobody loves me... I'll be alone forever... I should've died... I should've let myself fucking die... Oh god, help me... help me..."_**

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Yeah this is totally just me venting dramatically :3, sorry to thrust my emotional baggage on you all :P
> 
> Not like anyone would read my crap this far down but please leave a comment or kudos or whatever if u liked it :3


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